Garden 2: Wow, oh wow!

OMG. I just realized that I forgot to talk about Garden 2, and if I wait much longer all those pictures I took will be outdated because it's growing so gosh-darned fast. We can't have that. Still, if you're not ready for another installment, feel free to entertain yourself with the link I provided to Usher's new video. I never knew how much gardening and clubbing had in common until I heard the lyrics "Honey got a booty like pow, pow, pow. Honey got some boobies like wow, oh wow. " Call me crazy, but I'm feeling a strong need to tend to some melons.

I am sorry, deeply, for that terrible joke.

If anybody's still here, let's get to it. By the way, those are strawberries up there. Don't actually have anything to do with the square-foot garden, but they are in the yard and they are edible.

Watermelon. Three, to be exact. The one on the right I thinned from putting two seeds in one planter and stuck in the ground assuming it would die from lack of roots and because the cantaloupe seed that supposed to be growing there isn't. If it does, we might be having some cantamelon when all is said and done. They're so cute. A few months from now, they should be about 10 feet long. I'll believe it when I see it. Yes, I'm finished with melons for this installment.



Here were have two bush beans and a marigold. First, there are supposed to be six bush beans. The other four are either lazy or dead. Part of the problem could be Bonnie's love of peeing on them and then digging them up. The second picture is an unfortunate casualty of this disgusting fastidiousness.


Snap peas. All seem to have come up and are growing robustly. I love snap peas.


Onions. My previous attempt to grow onions in the shade was an unmitigated disaster, but I'm tentatively optimistic here despite the fact it appears that at least half haven't come up.


Carrots. They're doing as well as the radishes so far. After 2 1/2 weeks in the ground, almost every seed seems to have germinated.


Beets. They're doing great. Looks like I stuck with my irrational insistence of putting more than one seed in each hole, which means I'm blessed with extra beets. I know I should be happy, but I don't know if I really want to eat beets. It was more of a challenge to see if they'd grow. I know people in Buffalo who like beets. This could be their Christmas present.


Collards. The big ones on the left are seedlings I started inside, while the little ones on the right I put straight in the ground to replace the duds. I love collards, though I've had to grudgingly accept that it's hard to make them taste right without some part of a pig in the cooking pot.


Broccoli, again from seeds I started inside. They've been outside in the dirt for about two weeks and have nearly tripled in size. Oh, and remember my angst over having to pull one of the seedlings when two came up in the same hole? I got around that by gently extracting the extra and replanting it. I did that twice, and even though they weren't supposed to live they did. You should only have one broccoli plant per square foot, meaning I have two too many here. Maybe that will cause a crowding problem, but at least I'm not a murderer!


Taters. I cut my seed potato in thirds and planted it, which in no way explains why there appear to be about 12 plants here. Hmmm. I'll be darned.


Spinach, a couple of sunflowers and an unidentified plant. This is actually Garden 1, but I forgot to mention them in my last post. The spinach seeds are easily my biggest disappointment so far, as fewer than half came up the first time and it looks like only one or two replacements have actually gotten around to replacing anything. Perhaps it was a dud seed pack.


Tomato. This guy, a transplanted seedling, is coming along smashingly in the garden in front of the house.

Sorry, I've been busy scarfing down my food

It has been more than two week since my last post. Sorry, but I couldn't resist going to Louisiana to mock some oil-soaked wildlife. Stupid birds. "Scrub me! I can't fly with all of this crude on my feathers! I'm going to die!" Like somebody made them go all swimming in the water and stuff. They're lucky we have so many hippies. I say we charge 'em both for the labor and the lost gas revenue. Who's with me? High five ...

OK, I'm kidding. I didn't go to Louisiana, and I actually feel really bad and somewhat angry at unfolding environmental disaster in the gulf. I might even write a blog about it. Today, however, I'm here to brag. I have officially produced food, and it's only mid-May. We might have to go to the grocery store once or twice more, but that's probably it.

Over the weekend, I harvested a radish. And by harvest, I mean pulled it out of the soil. I did not use this video, but I post it here because it's just hilarious to me that somebody actually would take the time to film a how-to on removing a radish from the dirt - with tools. If you can't figure out how to harvest a radish, there's a pretty good chance you're better off anyway. After all, should you neglect to watch the next installment in the series - "Be Sure Not to Swallow the Radish Whole" - it could be the first and only radish you ever harvest. That's right, I'm taunting. I'm a farmer.

My radish was red, round and appeared to be perfectly edible. Check it out:

I was momentarily befuddled because the ones at Ingles don't come with dirt on them, but then I remembered I could wash it off with the running water in the kitchen. So I did. Then I ate it. It was crispy and juicy with just the right amount of spiciness. I encouraged Kristy to try one of her own, and she agreed - this was food. We both remembered not to eat the greens, even though I think you can. Hot damn.

They've been in the ground six weeks so they should be ready, though I'm having a hard time believing that little black speck of seed managed to do all of this in barely more than a month. Talk about getting busy. In fact, if they aren't eaten soon they'll start to get mushy and bitter. We'll have about three dozen when all is said and done, counting the doubles (two seeds in one hole - they seemed to do just fine) and the four seeds I planted about 10 days ago to replace the duds. I wonder if you can get radish poisoning?

I'll have two free squares when that's done, and I have to decide: Plant more radishes or put in my pepper seedlings that are getting large enough to transplant? We might have enough time for another batch of radishes, but maybe not: They're a cool-weather vegetable, and six weeks from now is early summer. Hmmm. Decisions, decisions. For now, I'll just enjoy the endless variety of cooking options that come with radishes. We can eat them raw, or we can eat them raw. We can put them in a salad, or eat them individually. They can be consumed whole, halved, quartered or - if you've had a few too many gin-and-tonics - sliced. Really, it's mind-boggling.

Now for a photographic rundown of the other veggies that are, if I do say so myself, also kicking some ass. Organic gardening is fun when the summer pests haven't come out yet! We'll stick with Garden 1 for today, which had about a two-week head start on Garden 2:

Swiss chard. How the hell do you eat Swiss chard? I guess we're going to have to find out. Oh, and I just got a message that the image couldn't be uploaded because of "an internal error." Huh, huh, huh - the computer said "internal."


Kale. A perfect performance - all 10 seeds came up. How the hell do you eat kale? I guess we're going to find out.


Green onions. A few things stand out. One, they're getting their asses kicked by the radishes to their right. Two, this looks more like the fairway at a cheap 9-hole course than food. And, three, right now they are indistinguishable from regular onion seedlings. I'm sure, when the time is right, the mystery of their uniqueness will be revealed to me.


Basil and a marigold. I planted more basil than this, but if these guys get as big as they should this should be plenty for this square. The marigold is there to repel garden pests, though, honestly, I can't find anything on the internet that actually substantiates this. Personal experience tells me the marigold will be devoured by slugs while other insects continue to devour my vegetables. So I'll believe the whole repelling thing when I see it.


Cherry tomato and a sunflower. The little guy is the cherry tomato I planted six weeks ago and has finally decided to grace us with his/her presence. Isn't he/she cute? The sunflower to the left came up through no fault of mine. Can they co-exist in one square? Tune in all summer! It's like "Heroes."


Artichoke. Another plant I have little idea how to consume, but I have managed to get the seed to germinate and transplant said seed from planter to the ground. That counts for something, right?


Cauliflower. These guys, unlike their neighbors the radishes, clearly aren't on the juice. But they seem to finally be getting their footing. Speaking of footing, I was going to leave the toes on my right foot in the frame but decided against it. You're welcome.




Cucumbers. This cucumber, top photo, wasn't supposed to be here. Neither were the 12 others, second photo, I transplanted over the weekend that have, amazingly, not died. Apparently we left a cucumber in the old garden and it spread its seed everywhere when I moved the growing mix. Fairly amazing. Anybody want a cucumber plant? In the third photo we have some type of grass that also came up everywhere and was threatening to take over until I pulled it. No point, really. Just wanted to share.


We also have strawberries. Good luck getting these on the counter, birds. You can keep flying into the windows all you want.

Later this week: Garden 2.