Monday, June 7, 2010

And so it begins

See that guy up there, on the end of my freakishly huge finger? That's what's known to people with too much time on their hands as Pieris rapae. To me, it's a cabbage worm. I would have taken a better picture, but this is the best I could do with my Samsung Reclaim (our camera's in the shop. Could have something to do with it being dropped while being, ahem, tossed to someone else on a BEACH in Carmel, Calif., but we won't name any names. Tanja). And, if at any point during this paragraph, you made a booger joke, grow up and congratulations - you're at the right gardening column.

Anyway, cabbage worms suck, and the term can be used for any number of little green caterpillars that devour just about anything in the cabbage family, which includes cabbage (duh), broccoli, cauliflower, kale and collard greens - all of which I'm growing and all of which are falling prey to this nasty little bastard (here's a better picture). I'm fairly certain that what I'm dealing with are "Imported Cabbageworms," because I've noticed dozens of those pretty little white butterflies landing on my crops. "Nature!" I whispered in awe to myself until I learned that their sole purpose in life is to lay eggs on the underside of the leaves, which then hatch (not the leaves, the eggs, all you English dorks out there) and produce larvae that live for THEIR sole purpose: To devour as much green stuff as possible before cocooning and starting the whole process over again.

Now, you'd think that I'd have an advantage. I'm almost as much smarter as I am bigger. I know what they look like (that dude up there? Ground into green goo seconds after the picture was taken). But it's disturbing how difficult it is to deal with single-minded focus. Those little monsters do nothing but eat. Nothing. How can I be expected to have that kind of dedication to them? I'm human. I have important, person stuff to deal with like DVR, Netflix, wine and the Braves. Next thing you know, I've taken a nap - and a plant is gone. To wit, a sad cauliflower seedling that has been munched to the stalk again and again:

So what to do? I've concluded I'm not giving up TV for 24-hour-a-day kale-leaf duty, but I don't want to use poisons (more on that later). So I tried this: Flour and cayenne pepper. Supposedly, the worms eat the flour and explode, while the pepper discourages other insects. I think that has worked, but either I'm not applying it often enough or it's not working well enough. Example of a healthy cauliflower that is also being chewed vigorously:

As a result, I'm about to turn to Bt, a bacteria that is worshiped by hippies for its natural ability to destroy insects. I've heard good things. I'll keep you posted.

This grim post aside, I've actually eaten more of my greens than the worms have, as I'll talk about tomorrow. Or the next day. Until then, I'll leave you with this over-ambitious nest-building by a wren in the rose garden. And Kristy painted that house. Pretty awesome, isn't it? Except for the fact that it's a bluebird house. Stupid birds.

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