Finally, some rain!

A select few of you may have heard me, once, mention my spring allergies. I don't like to make a big deal out of them, but I guess if I had to create a comparison the experience would be similar to the most horrible anyone could ever suffer, far worse than childbirth, terminal disease, starvation or watching American Idol. Which is probably an understatement, but, as I said, I prefer not to whine.

Obviously, I don't need any assistance bearing this weighty physical burden, but sometimes Mother Nature lends a hand anyway in the form of rain. Rain knocks the pollen out of the air, which helps assuming you can avoid line-snorting the earth. Rain is also good for fledgling gardens like mine, because I know it's only a matter of time until I lose interest with watering. And at this stage of the game, it takes about one day of that for your seedlings to be goners. So thanks nature.

When we last spoke, I was threatening to move my second garden. I did, a week ago today (see above). I also planted more stuff. Wanna know what? I knew it. Remember, we have 16 squares:

• Beets (five plants, one square)
• Carrots (32 plants total, two squares)
• Onions (16 plants, one square)
• Bush beans (four plants total, two squares)
• Peas (16 plants total, two squares)
• Cantaloupe (one plant, one square)
• Potatoes (four plants, one square; planted those today - just got around to buying the seed tater. I love the word tater. "Go get me that there tater, boy!" I can't imagine why anyone would ever say that, but if somebody does I want to be there).
  

As some more advanced readers have noticed, that only adds up to 10. The other six squares bear special mention because they were or will be filled with MY SEEDLINGS!!!!! Three broccoli have so far made the transition from seed pack to seed cup to garden, as have four collards and, as of this weekend, two watermelons. That's right, in your face Lowe's and your 75-cent plants. These were like a quarter of a penny. Suck it. Of course, my taunting has now assured punishment from the vegetable gods in the form of the death of these plants and a trip to the store to replace them with seeds somebody else grew, but you know what? It won't be Lowe's. Just out of principal. And you're probably wondering why the vegetable gods would punish my taunting by killing their own. Uhhh, because I'm the center of the universe and no being or entity does anything without me in mind. Duh.

On the growth front, while I planted three of the broccoli I have three left. That's OK. Only two of my cauliflowers (one of which can be seen at right) have come up in the first square-foot garden, so I'll need something to put in there. And just when I was considering that my other seeds were duds, as of yesterday celery, bell peppers and hot peppers were spotted peaking out of the dirt as well. Do I have anywhere to plant them just yet? Not exactly. We'll figure that out in due time.

By the way, the plural of broccoli is broccoli. It's like bread. But if it helps you can pronounce more than one broccoli "brock-o-LAY" for no reason other than I like to think of Derek Stevens. That's what I'd tell a Japanese exchange student to do, just to keep him good and confused about English and to learn a little about humor.

Here's a picture rundown of the breathtaking garden progress after two weeks:

These are the transplanted broccoli seedlings. Yes, there are two plants in each of the left two squares. That's because I plant two seeds in each hole, convinced that one will not germinate (I have no reason to believe that, by the way - just superstition). Then, I have to decide which one to pull up because you don't want them competing with each other. Which is actually pretty agonizing for me, because they're both working so hard. Why should one be murdered? I really hate it. I've got some problems. Oh, and I don't know why the one on the right is lying down. Maybe it's taking a nap. Or it misses the brother I already pulled up. Sniff.

Here we have the transplanted collard seedlings. They should get bigger. Except for the one that died.

These would be the green onions I planted in the first garden two weeks ago. I like how they look like grass coming up.

Radishes. You know, the crop for children and the mentally challenged. I was wrong about the 100 percent survival rate, by the way. Looks like I have at least three duds in there.

I can't think of many things easier than planting potatoes. I went to Hendersonville Nursery and bought what is known as a seed potato. It's just a potato. Potatoes have eyes, or places where it will sprout, and you'll get as many new plants as there are eyes. Just cut said said potato accordingly and plant each piece four or five inches deep (I know this works because we did it last year. And forgot to harvest the potatoes. Go to hell.)

Ignore the sign telling you this is cabbage. These are the two-week old broccoli, who are definitely outgrowing their home. Two of the plants are supposed to be cabbage, which explains the marker, but I can see no difference between the seedlings and am starting to think I screwed up. Then again, they are in the same family, so we'll see.

This is an iris. No, I don't think we can eat it, smart-ass. I just think they're pretty blooming off of the back deck, and I still can't believe they growing in the bog. When I stuck the bulbs in the mud I was like, what can grow in this shit? Check it out. Yellow irises can.